So me and some of my friends decide to start a Pathfinder campaign on Roll20. We’re pretty inexperienced save the DM, but we’re all psyched.
Jace Fairis, the Cleric of Aleria. 18 wisdom from the start, more heals than hairs on his head. Hits things with a hammer when things get personal.
Sincion, the Ranger. Takes any job, doesn’t care much what it is. Doesn’t talk much.
Slenamin, the Ninja. Standard revenge backstory, needs money. Similarly doesn’t talk much.
William, the Knight. Armor class of approximately infinity, nothing seems to hurt him much.
At least, that was the plan.
Our first quest-like object: clear out a tower. Sounds simple enough. We enter the tower, and our first perception checks find a secret door with two magical lines leading to the east and west. We check the east, and see a large collection of statues – which, going off intuition, we guessed would come alive if we made a wrong choice. So we instead turned to the west, and found a room full of a putrid odor. Inside is a dog, pig, and skunk, all of which seem very hungry, and proceed to attack us. We figure, “this ought to be easy.” The Knight goes in first, then the Ninja behind him (with his reach weapons he could hit the dog from outside of the room), the ranger standing back to shoot, and me (the cleric) taking up the rear in case of any injuries.
We make relatively quick work of the dog, with the Knight taking absolutely no damage, but being sickened by the Skunk. But after that, we come across a string of infuriatingly bad rolls in which we, one after another, either miss completely, don’t do any damage, or actually hit our allies, without hitting any of the remaining animals once. But we practically have taken no damage either. Unfortunately, the Ranger’s rolls a natural 1, and he was shooting an arrow. This arrow ricochets off the wall, and bounces straight into the room where the stone statues are. And a giant stone statue immediately walks through the door of that room (which we conveniently forgot to close.)
This guy is clearly way higher level than us (who are level 1). The Cleric (me) decides to use spiked fists from the Plant cleric domain to make his melee attacks deal lethal damage (and also slightly more damage), and then use Mighty Fist of the Earth to do an unarmed strike at a distance. I explain this as coating the rock fist in spikes before throwing it at the golem.
I then proceed to roll another awful roll – something like a 5 or below – and the fist bounces off his chest. But I have just hit him in the face with a large rock. So he’s pissed. He then walks across the room, and clubs me across the face, knocking me unconscious in one hit and leaving the rest of the party with no healer. The Knight runs through the room with the animals (who have proven themselves completely unable to do any damage to him), dives over the Ninja’s head, and smacks the Golem across the face with his sword – this, too, does no damage, thanks to a rolled 6. The Ninja moves forward simply to be standing over me so I don’t get trod on, and stabs the Golem in the chest – this, too, does no damage, thanks to yet another abysmal roll (RNGsus was not on our side, I said afterwards). He also yells to the Sergeant who had led us here. “SERGEANT! WE FUCKED UP!”
The Sergeant doesn’t reply. The walls are stone – of course he doesn’t.
The Ranger takes a shot, and actually does some damage – which only seems to infuriate the thing.
It’s the Golem’s move, and he smacks the Ninja out of the way with one move, nearly taking all his health off. He then proceeds to smash the ground and turn all the lights off, disappearing by the time they come back up. They have to make untrained heal checks to revive me – but for once we get semi-lucky and they can pull me back so I can heal myself back up.
The first thing we do? Close the damn door. Lesson learned.
So we finish off that pig and skunk – we finally manage to get some decent rolls and take them out. After some looting of the room, we open the next door, which leads to an empty hallway. Now this, obviously, screams trap to me. So the Knight goes in. Nothing happens. The Ninja follows. I stand back, wary. The Ranger is about to enter, but stands in the doorway, hesitant.
The door proceeds to slam shut. The Knight and and Ninja are trapped inside – the Ranger has to roll a reflex check to see if he dodges the door or not, which he passes. He decides to dive in instead of out (for some ungodly reason.) I, obviously, don’t make it in – getting trapped outside of the hallway.
A ghost proceeds to appear in the middle of the room, and a fire erupts around them – dealing 1 damage every turn that passes. And they can’t open the door.
I can’t see anything, but I have a general idea from the heat I can feel coming through the door – I, having high wisdom, get away with assuming there must be a fire. So I use the level 0 spell Summon Water through the door, to try to help. This only creates a load of steam, obstructing everyone’s vision.
They, in turn, spend a few turns panicking and trying to attack the ghost (which, obviously, fails). They give up on that and try to bash one of the doors in. But we can’t do nearly enough damage, thanks to (again) our shitty-ass rolls.
The Ranger, out of sheer despairing, decides to try to shoot a hole through the door, or something. But then proceeds to roll a 1, and fires the arrow straight through the keyhole (despite the fact that the keyhole is smaller than an arrow).
Eventually, the Ninja collapses on the floor unconscious, which seems to appease the ghost – it vanishes, and with it the fire. I open the now-unlocked door, and use channel energy to heal everyone up.
From then on, we had the cleric always get in a room before we proceeded. Lesson learned.
But the real lesson? Roll better. Especially you, ranger.
By: Jace Fairis