The Great Escape? A Midget Story

My first time being a DM, and my players’ first times playing. I decided to start off nice and simple with a rather generic opening: My players find themselves in their civvies and trapped in an unknown cell, only furniture being a broken chair and a bucket.

Cue the Players:

Raiden the Shadar-Kai mage

“Smoke” the Eladrin rogue, and resident female

A human cleric who did not reveal his name and so we called “C”

A human paladin who also did not reveal his name and is known as “P”, his original player didn’t come so my little brother (or as I know him “Midget”) stepped in to play, and proceeded to showcase just how special some paladins can be.

So the campaign starts, there are some brief introductions and the ball gets rolling. At this point two large human guards open the cell and drag out “C” to parts unknown (This doesn’t really matter to this story). After this my players decide to try and escape.

Cue the traditional “Oh help, my friend is sick” attempt.

The guard doesn’t care.

And so the next cliché is tried: “Come and get some of me big boy” From our rogue, which actually entices the guard into the cell.

Now usually at this point, a guard stupid enough to fall for this is swiftly clobbered into the ground and all is well, as I expected.

My players however, had not thought that far ahead. So the guard came into the room unmolested, expecting to molest Smoke. Cue awkward conversation, with both of us waiting for ANY input from the other players.

G: “So, what am I getting?”

S: “All of it”

G: Takes of helmet, reaches for Smoke

At this point we were both kind of glaring at the others, wanting them to intervene in some way, any way, was like torture to us.

S: “Screw this” *Kicks the guy”

And so combat starts, my unarmed players against a now fully alert and ARMED guard. The most abysmall rolls ever made dragged this pathetic encounter ON and ON and ON for ages, the guard flailing hopelessly with his halberd and my PCs failing to even touch him.

And then my little brother changed strategy.

“I take the bucket and throw it at his head.”

Miraculously the bucket flew from this paladins hands, and the champion of light unleashed a torrent of filth from the bucket at the poor guard, who, before he could recover, soon ended up with the bucket stuck on his head.

Before the soiled guard could recover my other players finally cottoned on to the idea of using the terrain, and dispatched him with a swift WWE-style chair takedown.

The drama of the absurdly difficult encounter over, the party (sans cleric) find themselves in an open cell, all good to escape and retrieve their comrade right?

Wrong.

Instead of simply running, they decide to undress the guard, and place him in the cell corner. The paladin then changes into the guards armour – WHICH IS STILL COVERED IN EXCREMENT. He then calmly steps out of the cell, and resumes the guard’s position outside.

Having seemingly abandoned all proactivity my party then simply waited, after a few hours the two guards drag back the beaten and bruised cleric, now unconscious and dump him in the cell. Then they noticed the rather brown guard…

“Why do you smell so bad? What’s with your armour?”

*Bluff* “Nothing, just doing my job. NATURAL 20.

And so the guards trundle off back into their quarters, leaving my party to finally, finally escape. But not until after waiting another 4 hours for no reason whatsoever.

 

By: Rob

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