“Easy” Goblin Slaying and “Rescue”: A Midget Story Part 2

A continuation of my earlier Midget tale. After escaping their dungeon, slaughtering some goblins and an innocent squirrel (Some goblins were in fact killed by the paladin slapping them with the squirrel) and reaching the nearby town, my players accepted a quest to search for missing villagers in a nearby goblin cave. They then slept at the inn. This is where our story begins…

Cue the Players:

Raiden the Shadar-Kai mage, his player was unable to make the session, so he was hungover as HELL and left to sleep it off

“Smoke” the Eladrin rogue, and resident female

A human cleric who still has not revealed his name and so we called “C”

A human paladin now simply known as “Midget”, who has taken over full-time play of the paladin

A Shifter monk, who by massive coincidence ran into the party in the inn the next morning

We continue:

After acquainting themselves with the monk our bold adventurers set out to find the goblin lair.

The way to the lair involved a short maze of traps and skill checks. Somehow, they managed to choose the only route that had NO traps or conflict of any kind, and were left quite bored when they finished the maze. This swiftly changed upon entering the goblin cave.

The entrance was a large empty cave (My players having previously killed a goblin raiding party that inhabited this section) and as such they ventured on, further through the cave until they came to a door.

In a novel act of common sense, our party made the rogue open the door first. When she saw a large group of goblins and fiery beetles in the room she quickly dove to the side and hid behind a table, leaving Midget in full view of the angry goblins

And then combat started.

I’d like to point out that this is a level 1 encounter, some simple fodder goblins, a couple of strong ones and a beetle, so it was supposed to be quickly ended.

NOT SO. This combat encounter dragged on for over an hour as pathetic roll after pathetic roll kept coming, our monk would agilely jump the goblins then attack from behind, and miss. Our rogue would shoot her crossbow at goblins, and miss. I think you see where this is going.

At one point the goblins beat on Midget so hard he fell unconscious and started to die, slowly and surrounded by bloody goblins and pussy beetle remains. Then he rolled his saving throw. NATURAL 20, the first roll this round higher than a 15. at this point the goblins beat him back down to unconsciousness. A SECOND NATURAL 20. So he stands back up in a superhuman feat of endurance, everyone around him whooping and cheering the heroic Midget.

Then combat drags on some more, including more natural 20s leading to several blown up goblins.

At this point the squirrel I mentioned earlier comes into play. My brother had become mildly obsessed with this squirrel, after he killed it and used it to smash several goblins into submission with. This was a day ago in game, and by now “Jeff” the squirrel was decidedly runny. That didn’t stop him from rolling to cook him on the goblins’ fire pit. Amazingly, he rolled the limit I had set and he now had a well-cooked, delicious-looking squirrel named Jeff.

After failing at slaughtering some sleeping goblins, and instead locking them in their room, our heroes then found a room with yet more, strong looking goblins, and 5 people in a cage. Midget tries to distract the goblins by sliding his BBQ’d squirrel across the floor. The goblins entirely fail to notice it.

Their next idea to start off the goblin-murder spree was entirely unexpected. They picked up the large table from the first room, and took it to the door, intending to throw it through and damage some goblins before combat starts. Fair enough, maybe they can actually damage them, so they go ahead. Just as they throw it though, Smoke lives up to her name and sets the table on fire…

The table smashes into the two minion goblins, killing them instantly. The other goblins charge and combat begins, with the room filling with smoke as the table burns and spread the flames. Numerous goblins suffer from the smoke inhalation, as does the party themselves,meventually, after much faff and yet more horrific Monk rolls, combat ends.

Rather than brave the smoke to check on the villages, the party locks the door and waits outside the cave for 8 hours to get health back. (So much for “Good” alignment guys)

Upon returning to the cave, they recover the bodies of a man, a woman and two children, who appear to have died from smoke inhalation… I wonder how that happened.

And thus this session ends, with the heroes’ alignments under now close scrutiny…


By: Rob

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