CARDBOARD CUTOUT PARTY MEMBER

Our party is merrily marching along the woods on our way to ransack the gnoll caves where we slaughtered the inhabitants the day before.

Me: Okay, snack run. Play my character while I’m gone, ‘kay?

Player: ‘Kay.

It would take me 15-20 minutes for the round-trip to the store. I figure my character was pretty much okay in their hands for a while. We already killed most of the f*cking gnolls in the area. Any survivors from yesterday would have run off already.

I return with food.

Me: Alright, what’s going on?

DM: *Laughs*

Player: A tiger has [your character]’s neck in its mouth and you’re pinned to the ground.

Me: What the F*CK did you do?!

Player2: It came out of nowhere. The ranger is trying to talk to the tiger and negotiate for your life right now.

Player: It would have eaten our horses. Luckily, [your character] volunteered to be bait. It was very heroic.

Me: You guys better be just f*cking with me right now.

 

By: Hate_Prime