Now, before I begin, I have to explain that these things happened to very, VERY new DnD players, and are a result of lack of experience, not from stupidity. Well, not ONLY from stupidity.

Also, all of these stories are from 3ed/3.5.

– A party, containing a new player playing a Paladin, are trying to get into a castle in a foreign city. The Paladin was recently told of what the code of conduct is, and is still trying to work out how to run a paladin without ruining the campaign. Well, didn’t work out so well. A guard asks the paladin what his business is, and he promptly answers: “I’m here to murder the queen.”

– A party is trying to get through a locked gate, but there are no rogues, so lock-picking is out of the question. There is one player in the party who everyone loves to pick on, and DnD is the best place to do it. The party gang up on, hold him down and tie him up. Then, they proceed to use his head as a battering ram. Well, at least they got the gate open…

– A party of all new players is on their first mission (DM is relatively new as well). The mission is to explore an uncharted area of a map and find a rainbow-colored mountain, kill a bunch of gnolls doing rituals there, and bring back proof that the mountain exists. The Wizard doesn’t quite grasp the idea of evidence, so he says he wants to draw a picture of the mountain to use as proof. He doesn’t have paint, a canvas, or even enough parchment to draw on. Still, he doesn’t hesitate, and takes off his rope in order to draw on it. He realizes that he has no paint, so he decides to stab himself with a dagger and use his blood as paint. He also decides that his robes are not a proper canvas, so he uses a triangle-shaped rock. As the rest of the party tries to explain that you can’t draw a rainbow-colored mountain with blood, but our attention is taken away by the monk, who takes this opportunity to steal the wizards robe and throw it off the edge of the mountain. At this point, we are left with a robe-less wizard with a red-painted rock in his hand, and a DM who will have nightmares for years to come.


By: cleric_of_BANJO