Ok, this was in a very high-powered campaign, and the DM had allowed us to choose whatever race we wanted, even monster characters, without adjustment penalties. We had a fire elemental sorcerer, a troll fighter, a half-something something monk. But as I didn’t feel like playing monster characters that day, I just made a sun elf cleric of mystra (hoping to become a chosen of mystra at a higher level to even that out).

Never the less, the DM told me that I was chance-less, and that I would never survive and blah blah, but as luck would have it, I survived to become level 5, where the party sought out an ancient black dragon, whose treasure we needed to buy magic items enough to destroy an insanely powerful vampire lord. We enter the lair of the beast, have a short conversation with it, charged it with all our might, and truly massive damage was exchanged between it and us. 20-30 rounds later, I was the only survivor of the party, having been too much of a coward to step in harms way.

However, I was still down to 10 hp in the round in which the last party member (the troll fighter) fell. I, however went first, and summoned a thoqqua (fire/earth elemental monster), and in the following round it went first at initiative 17. Imagine:

Me: “At least my thoqqua goes before the dragon, I’m 100% dead if it damages me again!”

Dm: “You are so naive, you are dead meat. And I thought that you guys were cool. Losers. Now, roll the attack for your little worm.”

Me: “Oki-doke.” *rolls* “natural 20, the thoqqua hits the dragon!”

Dm: “Fool! The dragons damage resistance is far too mighty for that worm to break. Too bad, for the dragon is so f*cking close to death that you wouldn’t believe it.”

Me: “Great, thoqquas deal 2d6 points of fire damage too, and as far as I remember, black dragons have no resistance to fire..” *rolls* “7 fire damage for your big bad lizard.”

Dm: “F*ck! You killed it! I don’t believe it! And you were just a stupid elf!” F*ck!”

The lesson to be learned: don’t mess with elves… ever… I got away with more than 300k gc, and my character now has a +3 longsword of speed, +5 elven chain, +5 large shield, +5 amulet of armor, +5 ring of protection, and many, many more funny items. That was a truly funny session


By: Sareld