So I’m playing a halfling rogue (again), in a no/low-magic campaign where you’re lucky to get 1 mwk item even at level 9. Anyways…

There’s the two dwarves, a man that’s actually a woman, a crazy old man who happens to be a wizard, and me, along with an NPC band of mercenaries. The party isn’t really friends… in fact, only the dwarves have any long-standing relationship with each other. One, named Ebert, is extremely stupid and can’t speak common. The other more reasonable one, Einkil, has pretty much given up on Ebert, especially as a translator. An example, is this conversation with a traveling bard.

Ebert (In dwarven): Hey, you’re one of them ******y types, right?

Einkil: You suck [censored]?

Bard: Wha- what?

Einkil: He said, you suck [censored]?

Bard: What kind of question is that?

Ebert: God, what a flaming queer. He’s a queer, right?

Einkil: Yea, I guess so.

Ebert: *punches bard*

When I went to talk to Ebert to try to get him to come with us and the band of mercenaries (that he already didn’t like), here’s how it went….

Mylo (me): Heya, you two are dwarves, ri-

Einkil: I wouldn’t talk to him… he’s in a foul mood. He’s always in a foul mood. All he ever does is drink and kill stuff. I hate being his translator, cause one way or another it just ends up in me telling someone they’re gonna die.

Mylo: Bu-

Einkil: Look… Just leave, because this isn’t gonna end up well, and none of us are going to like the results. Not me, not you… well, maybe Ebert. I think it’s because his wife left him a long time ago that he’s always so moody.

Ebert: What’s he saying?

Einkil: Shut up. I told you that you needed to learn to speak the language of the humans, because that’s what everyone else speaks. But no, you decided to stay and drink.

Ebert: Oh, good. I thought you were telling him that story of “my wife leaving me again”.

Anyways, this is pretty much the entire session. Sure, it mostly seems like nonsense, but it actually gets us somewhere, and we’re all in pain from the laughing.


By: Meirnon